Beta Test #24: Pit People

Beta Test

Imagine you’re me circa 2017. You’re in a children’s toy store, because you work there. The shelves are stacked way passed an OH&S safe level because the area manager is a dick. The store is quiet because it’s 8:20 on a Thursday evening, and the only thing you’re allowed to play is this ONE Electro Swing Spotify playlist because it’s either that or the ‘hottest 100’, and you’re not going to play Blurred Lines…in a children’s toy store… One song comes on, it’s upbeat, has a catchy hook, and it’s towards the end of the playlist so you know it’s almost time to close. You and your boss have a bit of a quiet boogie as you mop and sweep for EOD. You make $80 that day.

Now imagine you’re me circa right the heck now, and you open a new game. The themes are strong, the characters are bold, and… wait…is that…I know this…OH MY GOD! ‘Wash My Hands’ by Kormac starts pumping into your headphones. War flashbacks beseech your senses, you can smell the floor cleaner and lemon myrtle soap. You can see the fluorescent lights. In the distance: Security alarms. Ah yes, Retail never truly left you. It just waited in the darkness for the right time to strike the hippocampus. And it fucking hurt.


*FIERCE WAR CRY* I’m Bethany Griffiths, and this is Beta Test! A game review platform where I – Blueberry muncher – choose one game a month to go ham on until either I get better or get wrecked. All in the hopes that I can provide you with a completely (un)biased review. 

Developed and published by The Behemoth, Pit People is a turn based battle royale game that focuses heavily on side quests and item collection to fuel your army of fighters. The story centres around Horatio, the unwitting hero ad humble blueberry farmer, that is flung into the world of fighting after his son is tragically squashed by *ahem* a big purple bear in the sky. (trust me, it makes sense when you play it). From there Horatio makes friends, enemies, and builds up his swole physique to battle onward into glory. 

‘Firstable’, let me just say the animation in this game is everything. The cartoon graphics zip in and out of the frame with ease, and there’s no lag at all. Every character has its own movement pattern, and the team at The Behemoth did such a good job incorporating all the different collectable (wearable) elements on each person. 

‘Second-diddly-ary’ this game has a banging soundtrack The electro swing really bops and allows you to get into the groove…Unfortunately as you just read, it also gives me intense retail flashbacks, so the groove to me is: Depressy, Stressy, Messy, and unlawfully being forced onto a casual contract (Read more by googling Australian Geographic Lawsuit). Regardless though it’s the best genre for this quirky kind of game. I always like it when these sorts of games know their niche and go for gold, it works in the game’s favour every time, and this is no exception.

What I really do love about Pit People above all else though, and this is probably why I’m such a sucker for this game, is that it hearkens back to the games I played as a really small child. Games like Guardian’s Crusade, and Pokemon were my family’s jam for many reasons, mostly because you amass a giant army of power and obliterate the competition, but also because of the connections you made to the characters along the way. We’ve all had that Zigzagoon, or Poochyena that we just couldn’t bare to get rid of, and this gives me all that and a bag of chips (note, the game doesn’t actually provide me with a bag of chips, but there IS a red solo cup if you’re into that #fratlife). Indeed, the best games, I think, are the ones where you take a party of adventurers on quests, and battle it out until you win… Just win, dying is not an option, I live by the blade.

On top of that, the art style is just *smooch*. You know when you see something done really well and immediately want to lick it? No? Just me? Well it does that. Everything is just so detailed! From the town square, to the loading screens, and everything inbetween. I really can’t fault this game at all, it’s very well done and the team at work shound be super proud of their achievements. A+

Because I’m the one writing this and I make the rules, I give this game:

5/5 HORATIO’S for style
4/5 HORATIO’S for plot line
3/5 HORATIO’S for easiness

So I’m going to go play this every waking chance I get now. It’s just that good, cash me inside for 50 days straight howboutdah. I’ve been Bethany Griffiths, and this has been Beta Test, A game review platform where I either got better or got wrecked. All in the hopes that I can provide you with a completely (un)biased review.

Until next time,


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